Recently, the community of Indian Redditors stumbled upon—of course while in a sober state– this idea that how would each state behave (themselves), if India was a bar. Reddit’s AskIndia raises its glass!
Bottoms-up!
Just imagine, if state X was your booze buddy and was on a binge with you, most probably he would act like this:
Gujarat: He does not drink. He owns the bar. So, he takes home the profit.
Or
He has been banned from the bar as he tried to monopolize the bar snack counter with dhokla.
Or
He fiddles with his expensive electronic gadgets most of the time. Doesn’t sit for a drink, instead buys the bottle and keeps it in the bag. Drinks it in the morning after the call center shift is over.
West Bengal: He thought he could outdo everyone in this alcohol game. But he has passed out and is lying beside the toilet.
Or
Drinks and reminisces about the good old days while Rabindra Sangeet is playing in the background.
Andhra Pradesh: He is keeping an eye on how much Telengana is drinking
Odisha: When he realizes that he doesn’t have enough cash—as they are stashed away in the mines– to buy a drink, he gets chummy with others. Hope, he gets a freebie.
Delhi: Drinks the most expensive alcohol on the menu, dances to YO YO Honey Singh tracks, pulls out a revolver sometimes, fires randomly in the air. And when interfered, shouts “jaanta hai mera baap kaun hai?”
Telengana: As long as there is Biryani, his session continues.
Or
He drinks something more expensive than what his half-brother Andhra Pradesh has ordered.
Madhya Pradesh: He is out and sings “Bhari barsaat mein pi lene do, abhi zinda hun to ji lene do…” (Vyapam haunts him)
Punjab: The every-single-night-whisky-drinker, wets his whistle, brings on the crazy Bhangra dance and scares everyone away.
Haryana: He has been drinking since morning. By the time everyone arrives, he is too drunk to act sober. He is seen either hitting on girls or fighting with guys.
North East states: The Seven Sisters are ignored by the bartender. All other male drunkards are trying to eve-tease them. So, they are leaving.
Rajasthan: This guy has got a bottle in one hand, a hukkah in the other.
Bihar: He comes in with his own toddy.
Or
Drinks, listens to “Kamariya lollipop lagelu” but leaves at 11 pm sharp. After reaching home, prepares for the UPSC exams till 5 o’clock in the morning.
Uttarakhand: He is too pious to drink. He will drink only when he joins the Army.
Kerala: He says, ‘let’s rather drink coconut water’. The no. 1 drunkard behaves weird as he has been (alcohol)fasting since the bars closed down in his place.
Hope, these hilarious answers will drown all your sorrows. But you are requested to quaff this in good humour.